Come and gone

Well 2010 has come and gone. I know I am a little behind in blogland but I will get caught up... someday. I have been busy living life and simply haven't had time to wright about it.
I am so proud of all I have accomplished this past year. I finished my goal of losing 100 pounds! I am kept it off and am enjoying my new body. I can truly say for one of the first times in my life I feel good about the way I look. I am SO proud of myself!
I have had a lot of ups and downs this year. I moved twice, went through Panda's training, learned tons about myself and continued my move towards a healthy lifestyle. Running is also a new high for me. When I stared my weight loss I would walk 1 mile a day. Now I can RUN 12 miles in a day! Woo hoo!
SO now we are going into 2011, and I have new goals. (I don't really believe in resolutions but I think goals in a good way of putting it for me)
Just a few:

• I want to continued living a healthy life style - Running as close to everyday as possible, eating healthy, organic, vegan food, taking care of myself...
• Continue pushing myself and learning about myself
• Try (more) new things
• Be as happy as I can be, in every way

I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens...

Graduation... Again

Today Panda graduated his level 2 class. I am SO proud of him and how far we have come. I can't believe he is the same dog I had a few short months ago. We are a great "team" now and this has been pointed out to me by many people, some I know and even some strangers. I love my little man even more than I thought I ever could. Today there were even a few tears shed by this proud doggie mommy! He won and / or tied all todays companions: Pop-sits, sit-stay while I walked to the other side of the room, down-stay while I walked to the other side of the room again and sit-stay then come when called from the 10 yards away, all of which we did off leash!

In these classes we have also worked on off leash commands, (this terrified me!) commands with just hand movements no sound, and more temptations. We also started agility! Panda can now do high and long jumps, weave, figure eight, and slalom among other things. He did the same agility course and the big dogs with no modifications.

Our instructor has decided to close the current center for many reasons and is going to open a new center. I am looking forward to taking more classes with her wherever she moves to. We just love her and her firm but loving approach. She told us today that the next class we should take is tricks! I am very excited for that class. “Tricks” is more about fun and showing off. She said his obedience skills are past advanced so there is no point in continuing in those classes! (What? My dog!?!) She also said she would like to test him soon for his therapy dog license. She is sure he could pass today if I wanted, but I would like a little more practice just to be sure.

Panda is such a wonderful dog and I am so proud to have him in my life. Can you believe he has come this far and he isn't even two yet? This was the little puppy that was severely abuse and almost didn't make it through his first week home.

Impracticality

Ever want something you know is completely unpractical but you really want it? That’s how I felt about these boots I saw recently. Four inch heal, black, suede, comes just under the knee. Hot! I was in love with them. But I am practical (sometimes too much so) as a nanny when will I wear them? I could / should spend the money in a hundred different ways. I have great day to day boots I don’t have time for impracticality.
The other part of this is that when I was fat... I mean heavier... I couldn’t have worn boots like this, my legs were to fat. Now with thin legs these boots were part of my end goal, to be able to wear what I like not just what fits.
Well I decided when they go on sale I would get them. Boy was that a good idea. The boots were $110. Really not that bad but I never pay full price for anything, it always goes on sale. This week they were on sale for $50 on top of that a friend gave me a $15 off $50 or more. All in all I got my dream boots for under $40! I am in love! ♥
Now to find a place to wear them to! ;)

Snow, Snow Go Away!

I was thinking last night about how funny it is when we changes. Not the big things, the little thoughts that run through your head.
I remember when I was little I would run to the window when the weather man was threatening snow and hope to see a flake or two. I would be so excited! I am sure I looked every two minutes and made my mom crazy. If I woke up in the morning to no snow I was SO disappointed. But if I woke up to snow covered grounds, I would bundle up and play until I could no longer feel my fingers. Once I came inside my mom always had a pot of hot cocoa on for us.
Now? I feel old. Last night I looked outside a hundred times hoping to not see a single flake! It’s not that I don’t like snow it’s that I am realistic. We live on a big hill… Again. If it snows chances are I am stuck. I can’t be stuck in this house for days on end I would lose my mind. I don’t know when this mind frame changed. I think it was when school ended and nothing good came of missing out on anything.
A few years ago at the “old house” we got stuck for like five days and the first day or two was ok but after that cabin fever kicked in. So, here is to hoping that if it snows it will just come in small flurries and leave before adding up.
Fingers crossed!

WW - Mom's Christmas Present!

Happy Veterans Day

Papa Charlie (My Dad's, Dad)

Dylan in 2003

Wordless Wednesday

Carving a pumpkin in November?

Yep, that’s what I did at work today.
My sweat little B found a pumpkin under his bed just before nap and was very sad that it would be left out of the carving fun. Ok, let me back up. Yes, there was a pumpkin under his bed. B and S love to hide things under the bed. They also hide themselves under the bed. More than once I have come in after putting E down and thought the boys were out of the room, only to hear giggling when I start calling for them. Good thing we found it now and not in a few months.
His first plan was to save it until next year and carve it then. I then explained that even though another Halloween was coming it wouldn’t come for 360 more days. So? In 360 days the pumpkin would be a stinky, yucky pile and could not be carved. His conclusion? Let’s carve it now! Sorry kid you need a nap, after nap? Deal!
So after a good nap we carved the pumpkin, on November 4th. We roasted the seeds, put a candle in Jack and put him on the front porch, on November 4th. I guess to a four year old the date doesn’t matter. As long as they are happy, I am happy to go along with it.

Small things

Sometime it's the small things that bring me pure joy. Like the fact that it was SO nice, sunny and warm today! Yay, vitamin D in November! I was able to go for two four mile runs in the sun. It did get a little chilly tonight so I popped a log into the fire place (in my bedroom!) and now it's getting nice and toasty. The wonderful smell of my cinnamon candle is filling the room and I am sipping on some yummy tea. Guess what came out? The red Starbucks cups! The holidays are coming...

Red Cup!Snuggling in front of the fire. My babies are SO sweat.

Up and Down We Go

I am no stranger to the fact that life has a way of screwing with your mind. You have your ups fallowed by some downs than hopefully back up we go. It’s been a hard few weeks.
My brother is leaving on the tenth for Kuwait. He will spend the next year far away fixing radios and computers on a military base. He thinks of this as an adventure. Something fun to do to get him to his ultimate goals. He would love to buy a boat and sail around the world. I, of course, hate all of these ideas. I want him to stay here! He just got out of the Marines a few years ago. It feels like yesterday my prayers were answered and he was safely home from Iraq.
Dylan and I are only 11 months apart. We have always been very close. My mom says she was sure as babies we had our own language. In a way we still do, he tends to be a mumbler but I don’t notice. When someone asked him what he said I am able to translate. I just get him. I have also been protective from day one. Nobody was to mess with “My baby, Gig-in.” (I couldn’t say Dylan so he was Gig-in.)
With that said I fully understand why he wants to go, I just don’t want him to. I am selfish! It is not safe, bad things could happen, I want to have him around for the holidays, I want to know he is safe, loved, well fed, and warm. He doesn’t understand my concerns. (and never really has.) He just says “I will be fine.” It flat out sucks! He is an adult; he gets to do what he wants. I just get to stand by and wave. *Tears!* Oh, that’s SO hard for me!
On top of that I found out today that I am moving… Again! It’s not under the best of circumstances. I am sure in the long run this move is for the best but in this moment it is very overwhelming.
Now add on the upcoming holiday season and all the other craziness of my life. Yikes! I am ready for the upswing… Come on... Anytime now???

Happy Halloween!!!

My little Family!

Prince PandaGoing trick-or-treating

More Fall

Fall

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Treatoholic?

I like to sock up when there is a "good sale"

Today I am

One proud Doggy-Mama! In class today Panda won BOTH the sit-stay and down-stay contest! (The only two contests she had for us.) I was shocked and so, so happy. We have been working very hard every day. All the other dogs were up and walking around and Panda was still lying on the ground as I walked around him. After a while the teacher said “Ok, have him get up. He won a long time ago and he is going to stay there until you tell him to get up.” That’s my boy! I said I was a bit shocked that he did so well both times. One of the other ladies in class said “Are you kidding me? He is the best dog in class!”
I said “Oh, no I don’t think so but thank you.”
She pushed on “HE is! We (pointing to another classmate) have talked about it and we agree that he is.” A few others in class started nodding their heads. “Let’s vote. Everyone that thinks Panda is the best dog in class raise their hand.”
I looked around and everyone, including the teacher had their hand in the air! I still can’t believe my boy was spontaneously voted best in class! He has a lot of work that still needs to get done but I guess this proves how well he is doing.
The teacher said “Remember this dog on day one was shaking so bad you looked as if you wanted to run right out of class. (I really did want to run out!) Now look at him at the top of his class. Just think how far you can take him with a little more training”
So now I have made up my mind. Advanced obedience, here we come!
In other big Panda news he is off his anti-anxiety pills! I was told that could happen once he got training and it worked! Yay!

Panda’s story

Several people have asked why I wrote about bringing Sophie home and not Panda. The answer is simple… Sophie’s story is easy, light and happy. Panda’s is much harder for me to talk about. I have very much tried to forget about a lot of what he had to go through in the beginning. So here I go, I will try to get through this with as little tears as possible…

I really wanted a second puppy. I used the excuse that I thought Sophie would like a playmate but really it was what I wanted. I thought how hard could a second dog be? Sophie made having a puppy look easy. (I have since learned that I just got really, really lucky with her.) I knew just what I was looking for, a black and white boy Shih Tzu that I could name Panda Bear. I again started looking at adopting a puppy from a shelter but was again denied. (???) So I went back to The Seattle Time (where we found Sophie) and started looking. I found the cutest little puppy right off the bat!

I emailed the breeder and told her I was interested. She emailed me back in a matter of minutes. She sent me a link to her website, more photos and told me that the little boy I was in love with has the runt (just like Sophie) and was the sweetest one in the litter. (Sigh) She also mentioned that he had a “very small” umbilical hernia that would just go away with age. Ok, I am a sucker for a cute puppy face so I believed her. We set up a time for me to come and get him and she emailed me directions to her house the day of. Never gave me an address and she didn’t want to give me her phone number but she did after I pushed for it. I thought that was a little odd but maybe she was just very private? (Flashing lights saying “WARNING!!!”)

---Side note! - I missed a lot of signs when I got Panda, I know that now. I am trusting person, sometime to a fault, I pride myself in always see the best in people and want to give them the benefit of the doubt. I will tell the story the way it happened (please don’t judge) and I know I may sound dumb but at the time I really believed her and trusted she was who she lead me to believe she was. ---

Soon I was driving two hours to bring home my new baby. I got to a kind of run down looking house and knocked on the door. An older man and woman answered and let me in. I remember thinking “Oh, this is a very big house and they are older so it must just be hard for them to keep up with it.” (The lights now are saying “DANGER!!”) The house was a split level and when you walk in you can either go up stairs to the main part of the house or down stairs to what looked like the garage and storage. They led me down stairs, through a long hallway to a back room. There were the puppies! They were all very shy and didn’t seem to know quite what to think of me. I found Panda right away and scooped him up. He was a little shaky in my arms but I would be a little shaky if some stranger came and grabbed me so I again just blow it off. (Lights to me -“TURN AND RUN YOU FOOL”)

Panda kissing his Mom

The breeder’s husband brought the dad in and she grabbed the mom dog and handed her to me. They both seemed on the small side to me but then the breeder said the mom was heavier that usual because she still was pretty full of milk. (Why did I miss what that meant?) She told me a few things about the puppies, handed me a zip-lock baggy of dry dog food, took my money and kind of pushed me out.

Panda was still very nervous but curled up in my lap once we were in the car.

Riding home

Once we got home we bought Sophie out to meet her new baby brother. She didn’t really care much about him, she was just glad I was home. He loved her from the very second he saw her. Once we got them inside he would just fallow her all around, trying to snuggle with her and was even trying to nurse. (Umm, Hello Abra!) She really didn’t seem to care much one way or another. He also loved to snuggle with me. If he couldn’t get to my lap he would just curl up on my feet.
Panda didn’t eat at all his first day home. When I put food in front of him, he would look at me like “what do you want me to do with that?” By the second day I was concerned. Me concerned? Shocking I know. :) He still wouldn’t eat and he was trying very hard to nurse on Sophie. I called the vet (who just so happens to be a good family friend so I had his home number) and told him what was going on. He said it sounded like Panda had never been weaned. A light bulb went off in my head. I told him that the breeder had made a comment about the mom still having milk. That confirmed his suspicions. He told me to go get some puppy formula from the pet store and a preemie baby bottle. I would have to bottle feed Panda four times a day for about two weeks until he learned to eat on his own.

Let me tell you if you thought baby formula is bad you should smell this stuff. It was nasty and expensive! It was super thick. I had to cut the top of the nipple on the bottle to get the sand like milk to come out. But my baby was eating and that’s all I cared about.

How cute is that?

After a while Panda adjusted to life at our home. He was (and still is) scared of new things. It seemed like he was experiencing everything for the first time. After a while I figured out that he must have had very little interaction with humans. Sadly what he had known was hate and abuse. How sad is that? All you know of humans is pain and hate, then some lady comes and rips you away from your mommy (probably one of the only comforts you ever had) and takes you to this new crazy place. I still have a lot of guilt for how hard that must have been. If I would have known I don’t know what I could have done differently. He needed out and I led the way.
He started showing signs of separation anxiety soon after he was home. He was fine as long as I was with him but the second I left the room even if it was just to use the bathroom he would freak out and start barking and running around like a crazed dog. While I was at work he would eat the carpet, walls and moldings trying to get to me. Dogs really don’t understand time or space. To him if I was gone I must just be on the other side of the door. If he eats through it? Poof, there’s mommy. There are lots of things I had to try in order to fix this little, ok not so little, problem. First some new chew toys and chewies. Nope, didn’t work. Then there was the plug in calming sent releaser about $60. It did nothing! Next were dog anxiety pills, $20. Nope. Double strength pills, double price $40. Nothing again. The last hope was a low dose human anxiety pill, $40 for a month. It worked! I was so happy when I came home and there was no new damage, his toys weren’t everywhere and he seemed happy. I have since found his pills are much cheaper at Costco, $20 for 3 months worth.
When Panda was a few months old he developed a cherry eye. This happens when the muscles holding the tear duct are week and cannot hold it in place so the duct moves and becomes visible and very enlarge. I started to cry the first time I saw it. I made Panda a vet appointment for the next day. Bill, the vet… a saint, said that Panda would need surgery to repair the eye and his hernia had grown and would also need to be fixed. He also told me both problems and the separation anxiety were most likely caused by bad breeding. I was overwhelmed, heartbroken and couldn’t stop crying.

I was so mad I started looking into the breeder and finding out as much as I could about her. One tool I had was her website. I hadn’t looked at it much before then, only at Panda’s puppy pictures. I found out Panda’s liter was that dogs 3rd in a row from his mom within about a year and a half. That is almost a litter of puppies every 6 months. (Jaw in the floor.) Breeding a dog back to back is not only very dangerous for the mom but it produces week puppies. And the kicker was the dog was pregnant again…. A fourth sets of puppies, that poor dog!
I got up the courage to right a letter of complaint to the breeder. I was still thinking maybe she didn’t know what she was doing. (Ha!) I would give her one last chance to right her wrongs. I had two pages of my complaints, fact and studies on how she caused the problems. In the end of the email I said I thought she should refund me the money I gave her for Panda because I would now have to pay much more than that to fix what she had done to him. I never expected to really see anything from her but a few people had pushed me to ask.
I got her response the next morning. She said she had never had a complaint before and all of her puppies had always been healthy. She went on to say that I (and apparently veterinarians and scientist) was wrong about everything. I caused all of his problems. Oh, and the kicker? If she would have known what a bad dog owner I was she would have never “given” Panda to me in the first place. (Pure shock!)
I cannot put into words how mad I was. I was steaming! I think her response shows how guilty she really was by trying to put the blame on me no matter how farfetched it was. I wrote her an email that said I would do anything to try to give Panda a chance at a normal life that she had tried to strip away from him. Her game was up, what she was doing was illegal and unethical. I would do everything in my power to make sure she was shut down!
And that is just was I did! I started digging. I knew I would need proof, a full name, phone number and address. Thank god for the internet and that I am a scrap booker so I hold on the little things. I still had the map to her house from when I had gone and gotten Bear, the phone number she gave me was scribbled on the top. Using those I got an address. She helped me out by having a website show her own bad breeding habits.
I called animal control of Whatcom community as soon as they opened. They put me through to a woman who had been working on a case against Panda’s breeder. They had been trying to shut her down for some time but didn’t have enough to go on. I had the final pieces to their puzzle. I had her website and address, two things that helped them out a great deal. They were able to shut her down very soon after that. They even sent me a little photo of the litter of puppies the mom had right after being taken into custody. The breeder gave up all rights to her dogs and the right to own any future dogs. I was not the only one who had gotten a dog with a hernia and many her others puppies later developed cherry eyes. Further abuses were also reported which explains why Panda is so easily frightened.
After this things seemed to be on the up for my boy. We have had our dips, maybe even some valleys, but I feel like he is moving onward and upward. He had surgery to correct his hernia and cherry eye. You can’t even tell they were ever there!

He may never be the “perfect” dog, I am fine with that. He is who he is and I love him for it! I do not for a second regret getting my Baby Bear. It has been hard sometimes but I know I did what needed to be done. We are both better for it! ( I only had to wipe a few tears :)
A little more about my boy?
He loves his mommy more than anything in the world

Panda can’t get enough time with kids
He is very stylish

He has ran over 9 miles in a day and had energy to spare

He has completed my little family (for now) and taught me more about life and myself than I ever thought possible!

13 things you may not know about me

1. I am a very shy person. I know those of you who know me may have a hard time believing this, but it is true. When I meet a new person I really struggle with what to say and what they must be thinking of me. I get really nervous. I am sure it has a lot to do with my self-confidence, or lack thereof, but I have gotten good at faking it. Fake it till you make it, right?
2. I think Sophie is the best dog... Ever… In the world… Period!
3. I am scared of big dog and still consider myself a “dog person” mostly because I don’t care for cats. My mom hates it when I admit not liking cats! But it’s the truth. With that said, if I found a stray kitten or puppy I would (and almost have)bring it home without question. I am just that senseless! :)
4. I love the smell of Sophie tummy. It is one of the best! (Second only to the smell of a baby’s head.) Sounds odd I know. I just love it. I will say she NEVER gets dirty so don’t think I am too, too crazy.
5. I am OCD. I know, shocking right? Ha! I mean I really am. Like the doctor even said I am. Well, I am much better than I use to be. As a teen I took medication to keep it in check. I do still have my ticks, locks, folding laundry, my closet… but it could be worse. I also think I have made both of my dogs ODC. One I could say it was a fluke, both? I think it was my fault.
6. I hate, hate, hate when people are late. Drives me crazy. I am almost always early because I fear being late. I feel like if you are late you are saying your time is more important than mine. I know everyone has things happen but if it’s an ongoing thing it makes me mad.
7. I do not like the color yellow.
8. Thanks to my BFF Tiph I have two (out of 36) country stations programed into my car. I probably go little country once a week. Although I have gone through all 36 stations and not found a signal thing to listen to.
9. I weigh myself every day.
10. Thanks to my Grandma I learned how to sew, knit and crochet when I was five. No joke, 5!
11. I read multiple books at a time. I have 3 right now, one in the car for nap time at work or when I have to wait for an appointment or something and two next to my bed. I don’t know why I do this or why I ever started.
12. I am dyslexic. For the most part this does not affect me anymore, but elementary school was very hard for me.
13. The smell of Whole Foods makes me gag, but the smell of PCC doesn’t bother me much. It’s the meat section in Whole Food that stinks up the store. It just kills me.
So that about sums up a little of my craziness. Hopefully you will still talk to me after reading this. Lol!

My dog ate his own homework!

Ohhh, weekend!

Doggie boot camp went great this week. Yay! I was also informed that I am “excellent at running backwards.” Yes, we run backwards in class. :) Panda is picking up so much, so fast. I am so proud of my little man.
I made two big pots of soup, some to freeze and some put in small meal size containers for the week. I am kind of addicted to soup right now. Although I must say everyone around me has been enjoying it. (Even the kids at home and work. Lol!) I guess it is just getting to be that time of the year. I will be eating Black bean soup with chunky vegetables and Roasted bell pepper and tomato soup for the next few weeks. Yummy! Both are my own recipes that I have been working to perfect.
On top of that I got my house cleaned, laundry done, got a jump start on some Christmas gifts and even had time to watch a few movies. Ohhh weekend, how I love it when I can be productive!

His wounds run deep

Saturday was the second class at doggie boot camp for Panda and I. The first class went great. He is by far not the worst dog in class, my biggest fear, and we both are learned a TON!
Day two was a bit harder. We are now learning how to stand on command and stay in a stand – stay. (He mastered the sit – stay before we even left the first class!!!) Part of teaching stand is to get them to do it and then say “stand!” Like it was the dog’s idea. You rub the dog’s legs or tummy and the natural reaction for them is to stand up. Well Panda does not like his tummy or legs touched for the most part. When he first came home it was a big deal for him, now over time and a lot of work, we have gotten to the point that I can give him a good belly rub but only when the time is right for him. In class the time wasn’t right for him and he was having none of it! So I asked the trainer what to do if your dog will not let you touch his tummy? She came over to demonstrate. The second she very genially put her hand on his back he freaked out. He was crying, pulling, jumping and flailing all try to get away from her. She sat on the floor with him and me for a long time getting Panda (and I) to calm down. She asked me what had happened to him. I told her about his past. How he had been abused by his breeder as a puppy. She said “I knew he must have been abused by that reaction. His wounds must run deep.”
I was holding back tears. I know he still has a hard time sometimes… a lot of the time. He rarely trusts new people. He worries if he thinks I am mad or if he has done something naughty. He never likes to be away from me or in a place he doesn’t know. But to see him have such a hard time with someone that has made there whole life about helping dogs just kills me. It’s not fair that he had to go through such brutality at under 8 weeks old. It’s not fair that it still haunts him. Then my gilt kicks in. I feel like I haven’t done enough for him. Like if he still feels this strongly I haven’t helped him overcome what happened. Like I haven’t given him a good enough life. I know that’s just the emotions talking but it is so hard for me not to feel as if I have failed him in some way or another.
After a few minutes he was ready to move on with the class and she could tell (not show) me how to teach him better. At the end of class she came back over to us and told me that I should really think about going into the advanced class with him once this class is over. She made a big deal about the fact that she doesn’t push this on everyone, but she thought Panda would do great! I was a bit shocked. I mean was she talking about the same dog that was having a heart attack a short while ago? She said she could tell that Panda trusted me very much and that he was so willing to please me. More training would help strengthen our relationship even more and could help him move on. We will see how the rest of the beginner classes go before we move to advanced, but I do agree my baby would do great in anything he does! :)
The ride this little boy has had me on for the last year and a half is like nothing I ever knew existed. I don’t, however, regret it for a second. Panda has taught me so much about myself. He has shown compassion and strength when most would have given up. He has fought for me when most would have run and I for him! I haven’t given up on him… I will not give up on him! Yes, his wounds run deep but is love of life runs deeper. I am SO proud at how far he has come in his short life and can’t wait to see what happens in the next four weeks of boot camp!

Pickles with Raspberry Jam?

Ok, well we are not eating them together. (Although Sarah's kids did ask if we could have them together for dinner. Yuck!)
Today I made Raspberry Jam and my second batch of pickles. Sarah said the first batch (2 jars) would NOT be enough! :)